Living past the emotional, verbal, and physical abuse can be challenging for most people. Talking about abuse is a touchy subject and in some cultures and families its considered taboo; “What happens in our family stays in our family. There is no need to seek a counselor, pastor, friend, or stranger, because the problem will go away—eventually.”
How many of us who have experienced some form of abuse or are currently in an abusive situation, know that the problem never goes away? The problem may seem like it has gone away because things in your life are going good for a moment or the person who is abusing you haven’t hit or said nothing to you out of the way in a while, “life is grandy – right?” Just because there are no physical or verbal abuse going on doesn’t mean the problem has gone away. How many of us truly know that the problem must be discussed in our life in order to seek a solution. The root of the problems goes way back to our ancestors and/or slavery days. Where a lot of incest took place, in families and nothing was said because of fear and death.
Unfortunately, this vicious cycle has continued in many families today. Most women choose not to talk about it and are damaging their family when abuse goes unaddressed. Tyler Perry movie “Madea Family Reunion,” where the mother sacrificed the innocence of her daughter to her husband to keep the family together, she needed financial stability. Can you believe this still goes on in families? How many women in the past have sacrificed their children for a husband, boyfriend, cousin, uncle, aunt, nephew, sister, brother, grandparent, because it was just too embarrassing to talk about it?
TD Jakes “Woman Thou Art Loose, where the mother ignored that her husband stole the innocence of her child. Each time the mother asked her husband he lies to her in her face.” How many of us women have been betrayed? Also, felt betrayed and worthless because their protector didn’t protect them from their husband, boyfriend, mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, cousin, grandparent.
I want each person who was abused or are currently being abused believe in your heart and soul that God loves you so much! God made you special and unique none like any other person. God says you are the apple of his eye. He has great plans for your life. God wants you to fulfill your purpose for His will in your life. When you don’t fulfill his purpose you are glorifying Satan’s purpose and not God’s.
Let me say this to each heart person reading this article and have experienced some form of abuse and blames yourself for the abuse. I want you to know the abuse inflicted on you was not your fault.
Trust me when I say that because I lived with that burden most of my life. Wondering, “what if I did this or what if I did that” and all the time it was not my fault the abuse happened to me. It was so hard to go on in my life until I had to come to the conclusion that the abuse really wasn’t my fault. I was a victim that lay predator in my own home with my own parent. Once I realized this I had to change my thoughts, behaviors, patterns, circumstances and some friends, in order to begin a somewhat healthy life.
The first thing I did was seek God by reading spiritual books, seeking a church home, and speaking to spiritual people. After I started seeking God I began to feel better about myself. I started reading the word of God each day, little by little. I know it can be hard and you just don’t want to forgive that person because he or she has caused you a lot of pain, fear, self-worthiness, guilt, low self-esteem, gain or lose weight, depressed and anti-social. I know it’s difficult to forgive, because I lived with the same fears and questions you are living with or lived with.
However, reading the word of God was giving me peace, but there was something missing in order for me to move to the next level in my life. I searched and searched until I watched one of Tyler Perry’s movies “The Diary of a man black woman” and the one scene in there was the breaking and beginning of my life where forgiving someone sets you free even when you don’t want to forgive. I immediately started praying and saying “I forgive those who had anything to do with my past abuse.” I continued to say this until I meant it in my heart. Anybody can say they forgive a person but do you really mean it? I know I have said it and didn’t truly mean it. I did it just to get that person out of my face during that time. However, God has forgiven our sins each time we confess the sin [I John 1:9 NIV “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteous”
What happens to your sin when you are forgiven? Psalms 103:2 NIV states “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” God never remembers the sin. Isn’t that great to know! What an AWESOME, loving God we serve, who continues to give us chance after chance to have salvation—eternal life. Now ask yourself “Do you want God to forgive you because you forgave someone, or do you rather for God not to forgive you and hold the sin over your head?”
It is so important for us to forgive others, II Corithians 2: 7-11 NIV states “Instead you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you therefore to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone I also forgive him, and what I have forgiven---in their sight of Christ for your sake. I order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”
How much should we forgive those who hurt us? Matthew 18:21-22 NIV states [Then Peter come to Jesus and asked “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.”
I speak about forgiveness in depth because forgiveness is so very important in your life. It is so important to forgive those who did you wrong in order to fulfill your purpose in life. I want you to understand that I had to forgive every person who abused me, including my father, mother, step-father, cousins, aunts and uncles. I mean everybody in my entire family who knew I was getting abused and said “I must’ve did something for that person to abuse me. Or what did she wear to provoke him to touch her?” After hearing remarks like that while I was growing up tore me up on the inside. My chest felt like a burning pain and fire within and then my entire body felt hot because of those comments.
I carried those comments in my mind every day until I let go and forgave and trusted God to work in my life. This was a bad emotional scar to carry each and every day in my life. Thought after thought, relationship after relationship, I felt pain, sorry, discouragement, guilt, frustration and heartache.
Stay tuned for part II...
Michelle Moorer the author of "Shh..Don't Tell" and "Nurture Your Soul"
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